my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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