Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
