is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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