I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
