Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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