could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
