smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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