I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
