i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
