I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
