Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
