i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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