i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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