the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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