yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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