His pubic hair was longer than his dick
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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