brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
