Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
