I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
