Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
