Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I supernannyed him into submission
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