Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
