but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was like eating out sand paper
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
