Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
