dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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