All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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