my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
