The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
