watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
