Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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