If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
