Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
