But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
