well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we made out on top of his cat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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