Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Come see our sink grown plant.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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