i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
