So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
