We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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