Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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