Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You're a waste of cheezeits
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
