I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize