you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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