I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
