remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
