fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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