I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
