I just made out with a guy for $7.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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