Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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