i permit you to call me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
