youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
