Duck Duck Cougar?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
