mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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