Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
