There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
