Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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