1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
