so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
