she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
