Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
