I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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