1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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