First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
