you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
