Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
