Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
