this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
