Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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