The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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