I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
