dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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