It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
