when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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