I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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