I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
