i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
