sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
