and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
