Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
