Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
