Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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