I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
