How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
