piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
