FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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