Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
