GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
