and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
