i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
